Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
