My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
