Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
