you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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