I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize