shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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