a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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