I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
