OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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