i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
