Im at strip club and am horny
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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