To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
