She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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