currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
