I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
