I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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