her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
