so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
