i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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