so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
