just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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