Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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