There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
