By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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