I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize