So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
