I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize