I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
