i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We need to get me chipped asap
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
