i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
