so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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