I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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