Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
