i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
