I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why is there bacon in the couch?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
