Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I bet he comes in French.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
40s are totally the cure
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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