That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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