Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
