In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
