We named our party play list daddy issues
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
