Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
