The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
