My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
