I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
