so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
