Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize