Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
