Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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