My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Randomize
