would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
