well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
