giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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