Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
