dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
