Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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