That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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