were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
