there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
