I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
