I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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