So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
