she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just high enough for therapy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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