I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
