atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
