so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you traded sex for a burrito?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
