fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize