I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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