He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Too much gin, very little bucket
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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