Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
