Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
