So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
