she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
is it fun? or sober?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
