I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
