Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
