just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
