i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
