So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
