Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
