and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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