I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
