is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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