Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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