I'm so fucking centered right now
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
