sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
