The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
