i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
