At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
