U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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