In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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