Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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