did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just googled if crying burns calories
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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