can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
