So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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