I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
